When the Waiting Isn’t the Hardest Part

I could see the pain on Gwen’s face before she even spoke.

“My fucking father died,” was all she could say before she burst into tears.

I have been working with Gwen for a long time so I know why she put it that way.

You see, Gwen had a very difficult relationship with her father, full of betrayals both big and small. A few years ago, she made the difficult decision to cut off contact with him entirely because their interactions were too painful to continue. It was Gwen’s attempt at self-preservation.

Despite this decision, she did not intend to permanently end the relationship.

A part of her had always hoped for some sort of reconciliation or closure. In fact, she had fantasized about a deathbed conversation. He would acknowledge all the ways he failed her as a father, tell her that she deserved better, and she would grant him forgiveness so that he could rest in peace.

Sadly, Gwen did not learn about her father’s illness and death until after the funeral. As a result, she was robbed of her opportunity for closure with him. Her father died as he lived. In his death, he left Gwen feeling abandoned and betrayed all over again.

Heartbreaking.

You may be wondering, if Gwen did not intend to end their relationship, why didn’t she reach out to him sooner? After all, she was the one who cut him off.

Simply put, she was waiting until she felt ready and she thought she had plenty of time.

Frankly, we are working through her grief and guilt about this in our sessions now.

Gwen’s loss is an incredibly painful reminder that waiting for “someday” is a not plan.

Someday gives us the illusion that we are going to do something but it actually allows us to continue to avoid decision and action.

Someday keeps us stuck because it shifts our attention away from the one day that really matters:  TODAY

If Gwen had known that time was running out, “someday” would have turned into “right now.”

It would have forced her to make a decision and take action (or not).

Remember, each day you choose “someday” over “today” is another day where you deny yourself the opportunity move toward what you really want.